Are you a sinner? Do you need to be forgiven? We can help you. If you've committed one of the Seven Deadly Sins, or a mortal sin, or a venial sin (which can cause stains on your soul) or even a mere peccadillo you need to be forgiven.
To be forgiven, you could deal with one of our competitors, but many people find our forgiveness service more convenient. Our rates are easy to understand, and there's discounts available for quantity.
| Mortal sin | $1000 |
| Venial sin | $100 |
| Peccadillo | $10 |
Now comes the neat part. You don't have to wait until after you've sinned to seek forgiveness! No, you can get foregiveness beforehand! Of course, that means you have to repent and seek absolution first. To do that, have a chat with Elizabeth
Right now, it's free! Yes, foregiveness is free! Help yourself to our foregiveness.
Of course there is! We guarantee that if you're foregiven by our handy service, you won't go to hell.
Direct from God, naturally.
Of course you do! But we aren't into all the soul-searching and sage wisdom stuff. We just foregive you, not muss, no fuss.
Quite right too! But ask yourself - do they give a full guarantee that you won't go to hell? Do they offer online foregiveness? Are they willing to foregive *all* your sins? Do they offer advanced foregiveness, or do you have to do the sin first?
And then ask yourself - what happens if, after you've done the sinning, you should happen to die without having been forgiven? That's right! It's straight down to hell you go, to be roasted for eternity in the fiery furnace.
Sure. We're planning to bring out a Partnership Program soon, which will let you sign up for being able to foregive people too. A great way to earn extra income from home! We're planning three levels of partnership, Bishop, Archbishop and Pope. Wouldn't the certificate look great hanging on your wall?